Wows. It’s seriously been such a long time! I seem unable to stick to keep diaries and journals be it online or physical for more than a couple of years. lol. I don’t know what that says about me as a person. ^^; So many … Continue reading It’s been awhile.
I was just scrolling through my fb notifications, and happened upon a few pictures of old friends. And whoa…. they all look so different! I mean not that I was expecting them not to change, but it just surprised me that’s all. Since I think I basically look the same anyway. XD
But anyway, I was curious, and decided to look at my old crush’s picture. Hehehs. Everyone does it at some point in their lives anyway. I haven’t even tried searching for his name on fb and stuff before today, come to think of it. I actually never thought of searching for his name, ever. I guess it’s because it’s a really old crush? Like 10years ago actually, lol. He was my first ever crush! Awww~ But I pretty much forgot how he looked like, except that he was tall. tanned. cute smile. and a prankster. Haha, when you’re in primary school, you don’t remember that much. XD I guess he had the ‘bad boy’ image? I actually found him annoying(since we had to sit next to each other in every class- typical “put quiet girl next to mischievous boy to shut him up” technique used by teachers).
At that age, the girls were like in the “do you like anyone?!!!” “tell me!!” “You MUST have someone you like right?!!” As he was sitting next to me, the girls kinda made some conjecture that I liked him. I was like -.-; okay…. But when you keep hearing these sort of things, your mind starts to play tricks with you. Like if he does so and so, you’re like omg, does he like me? And then… slowly, I don’t even know if I actually liked him or not, but I thought that I did. And for around 6 years after that, I think the likeness turned into fondness. I mean, I saw him practically everywhere. Not that I was looking. We somehow ended up in the same schools for those 6 years following that. I’m not sure where he is now, which is reassuring, or I’d think it’s some weird coincidence. And since then, like if anyone asks me, omg, do you like anyone?! I’ll use him as an excuse so that they won’t ask me any more questions.XD; Seriously. I mean if you said you didn’t have any, they’ll be like “WHAT?! you MUST have someone! *points at random guy in class* Do you like him?” and they’ll keep pestering you until you blurt out a poor soul’s name.
So anyway, I was just looking at his recent photos and got a bit… disappointed. ): Cos in my mind, he was the guy I had said I liked for over 6 years. Even though I most probably only thought I liked him for like 2 years. So I kinda expected him to be good-looking, with 6-pack abs, looking all manly and stuff. So when I saw him not as I thought he would be… it’s sad. :< It’s like the shattering of a fantasy. Ah, well.
… I write weird stuff when I have exams/assignments coming.
sigh. Go and study, baka, -.-
Just a few incidents with my flatmate.
Lead me thinking about how Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey situation, where she(Nicki) overcompensated by being crazier?(interview on Ellen). Haha.
Okay. Well…. hmms. I guess I have to say it from the start. So starting fro the arrival into Birmingham, UK. Since I was sharing an apartment(not the room) with her, I went along with her friends to go explore, had a potluck. Basically fun stuff. The next day, I had a lecture and I begged her to come with me instead going with her friends(potentially, no plans yet). She reluctantly agreed and I was over the moon. We had the lecture and I took extra set of notes and she told me to give it to her friend who was going to attend that module. And she said”I’ll ask him to go with you the next time, ok?” I was like yay! all smiles. (: (: (:
Then apparently, I’m not too sure about it.. But I think they went for dinner or something without me that night. The next day, we had a school tour sort of thing. I asked her if she could tell me when she was going to leave and if I could go with her and her friends. She agreed. Though, I could tell her was getting a bit colder with me, no idea why though. Later, she knocked on my door at like 11:30am(the meeting time was at 12pm and it was near the school? About 10minute walk at most) and I wasn’t ready yet(Thought we were leaving at 11:45am), so she said we’ll meet you at the place at 12pm. I was like… okay. But the truth was, I was already pretty much dressed, I just need to put on a shawl and my overcoat, but she didn’t even want to wait. In the end, I went there, but I didn’t see any sign of her or her friends. So I was like “Okay, they ditched me? Nevermind.” Since I actually was able to chat with some other people who came at the designated time as well. But I kinnnnda felt I was left out. But I was like, it’s only natural though…since we barely even knew each other before this exchange programme thing. Although I thought we bonded while we had the lecture and had 2 dinners and 1 breakfast together. The next night, she went with her friends to the next apartment and started to cook there. So I figured, oh well, have to prepare my own meal. So I just made some salad, took some biscuits and jam with me to my room. Thereafter, she knocked at my door and asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. Internally, I was like… shouldn’t you have told me earlier when you were preparing? So that I could go over and actually cook with you guys? But I already had my food and all, and it would be weird if I suddenly went over, and ate their food. I’m not that type of person. So I just said, No, but thanks. Since I prepared my food already.
The next day, her friend saw me and said “Hey! You should have joined us! You don’t have to eat alone.”
I replied that I had food already but she fervently argued that I should have just joined them anyway. Feeling mollified, I said “okay, the next time then.” But then afterwards, as a group they were so clingy. For example, we went to the comp lab for some admin stuff and there were 4 chairs in each row. (There were 5 of us.) I figured that she would maybe split us 3-2 in the front and back, but her friend was just yelling to the other person. “We’re here! Come here. insertnamehere.” And when the guy came over, I was like okay, oh great. Before they asked me to shove off, I just move elsewhere. From then on it was me against them. And I was like… okay… you want to form your own special circle? It’s okay. So I got the message and left.
Then the following incidents were of that overcompensating thing Nicki Minaj said, I guess. I was cooking stir-fry veggies and I saw her soya sauce bottle. I was like oh, that would be perfect for the dish! So I added a tiny drop. And it was perfect. But she found out and wasn’t happy about it. I was like… okay. It was my fault I guess. Then earlier today, she asked me of I gave the notes(during that lecture we attended together) to her friend. I actually did give lecture 1, but not lecture 2 and 3 since I was attending with a friend I just gave it to my friend instead. And besides, the lecturer gave out extra copies of those notes during the lecture that her friend attended anyway. She had a sour face and I knew she was hating me for it. Plus, she’s a girl. And girls hold the longest of grudges. I was like …ooh boy. I’m going to die for the remaining of my time here. And if she spreads the message and twist and embellish it somehow like what every girl does, I’m really not going to have a pleasant time here. I’m going to have cold stares, bitter brush-offs and…. oh what fun!
These two incidents kinda just twisted and really made her mad at me. hmmms. Watch the interview with Nicki Minaj. Perhaps all of this drama will make sense. Which is strange because I’m not that type of person that has a lot of drama in my life. Like oh, she backstabbed me! She took my bf! And all that crazy shit. I don’t have all that. Haiz. I think I’m just being too sensitive as usual. Meh. What is done is done. I’ll try to apologise, but if her doesn’t accept that then ….ah well.
Nothing I can do about it.
I seem to be doing the most random things at the most inappropriate times. But anyway, I was just reading some of the answers to the question ‘What’s the nicest thing that you did for anyone?’
Quite interesting to read some of the replies.
People gave food. money. clothing. shelter. empathy. concern.
I was particularly impressed with those little acts of kindness though.
Like a child offering their last cookie.
And it sorta reminded me of that incident in the news where there was this cab driver that returned $1mil to the owner. Though, that incident didn’t impress me as much as the kid offering the cookie. Because well, you sort of have an almost moral obligation to return that much money.(And most probably you’ll get a cut of the reward anyway.) But you wouldn’t have a moral obligation to give your last cookie to anyone. That’s your cookie.
I think it’s when you personally have to make some sort of sacrifice, be it time, money or effort, that that act of kindness truly becomes admirable.
Hm. I don’t remember much of what I did as being kindness though. More of a courtesy? respect? Like giving up your seat. Or opening doors for the people after you.
But I guess what you remember the most is what others did for you. (Or didn’t) lol.
One of the incidents I remembered was when I was running really late for my music lesson. I left my house carrying my violin, wearing 2.5-3 inch wedges(because it was the first pair of shoes I saw. And it’s not like I haven’t ran in those before anyway) and dashing down the hill that I live on top on, meanwhile cursing the fact that my parents bought a house on a freaking hill. Suddenly, there was this guy, probably about 38-45? years old, and he stopped his car and asked if I want a ride down the hill. I was like, kinda cautious, cos well… I don’t know him and of all the times I rushed down my infernal hill, not once did anyone give me a ride. But I saw a child in the backseat and I was like ‘Okay. I should be safe! And I’m really late!’ So I gratefully hopped in and it took like 1minute to go down the hill. Like damnit! I wanna have a car. p_q or have a driver. It usually takes 10 minutes down. 5minutes if I run.
Then another one was that I woke up late. Overslept my alarm by like close to an hour. And I really had to rush for school. I took 5 minutes to get dressed, brushed and dashed out looking like a zombie. Then I met one of the neighbours staying in the same building and he was clearly quite surprised to see anyone in the elevator as was I(usually no one really meets anyone in the elevator). He sort of murmured a ‘Oh, Hi.’ But I was still in zombie-mode and was like counting whether I would make it there on time, so I just ignored him. When the lift doors opened, I brisk-walked out and then as I was just motivating myself to run really fast down, the guy who was in the lift with me called out and asked if I want to catch a ride in the taxi he was in. I was like really happy! Like seriously. I was quite surprised that he knew I was in a hurry, cos I didn’t really run like I did in the previous time I got a ride down. He was actually willing to drop me off if I was headed the same direction as him, but mine was in the opposite direction. So I hopped in the cab and said my thanks at the bottom of the hill and actually managed to arrive for class only 5 minutes late! That’s really a miracle.
It’s really these type of things that make you appreciate it. These little things.
But then again, when I climb UP the hill, the tortuous part, even in heavy rain and getting totally soaked, the cars just happily speed past me. That’s the part I’m like really unhappy with, haha. But it’s okay. I get up my hill and take a shower eventually anyway. Oh well. But if I ever see anyone on my hill getting up in heavy rain and I am driving up, I’ll definitely stop. Just because that person is most probably thinking the same thing I was thinking back then. (:
Okay, enough rambling. Back to MCR project writing.
Sigh*
Was just reading some news in my googlereader and came across articles regarding the lewd behaviours of local/foreign undergraduate scholars. There was the case of a student exchanging sexual favours for good grades, then another regarding viewing of sexual stuff and another for posting of explicit love-making videos and photos. Of course, then there were others who went under fire for making derogatory comments and elitist remarks.
Still what shocked me the most was the frequency and number of such cases popping up in undergraduate scholars, be it local students or foreigners. Admittedly, a person’s character cannot be truly known during the scholarship interview process, and with my country being very much a meritocratic society focusing on academic achievement, qualifications and may-haps some co-curricular activities, I could understand why some ‘rotten eggs’ might have been selected as scholars. But still, it is worrying that people in general do not recognise the importance of being morally clean and valuing integrity in their actions. I then read the comments of one of the scholars who did those stuff and I was really quite shocked at their views of society. The person mentioned something along the lines of valuing corruption in the legal system as it allows you the freedom to do anything and not be charged with any wrongdoing provided you are rich and can bribe the law enforcers. The person further argued that we should have the freedom to do anything we want; to murder, to steal, to litter, to speed…etc. I simply do not understand how that person thinks. How can ANYONE believe that corruption is GOOD? Call me naive or stupid, but that’s just… simply wrong. On so many levels. To live in such a world would be terrifying. Any moment, someone might kill you just for their entertainment and because they have the freedom to. And then there was another comment regarding the justification of his behaviour and actions as sex is just entertainment and for recreation and you shouldn’t look at it and comment on it if you don’t like the way I portrayed it. That’s just utter crap. Sex is a gift. It expresses your love for the other party and it should be done because you love the person and who to cherish him/her. To view sex as just mindless fun and to get famous is just… corrupting the concept of it.
And then the derogatory and elitist comment were just downright conceited behaviours of people who do not respect nor attempt to understand the views and beliefs of the respective persons in question. What’s worse was the treatment of such behaviours by the university. Merely, perhaps to save face of choosing these people, or to reduce the negative press on their university’s reputation or due to political interests, the people in question were et off relatively lightly. A basic apology. A short duration of community service. Or a termination of the scholarship thereafter but allowing the student to continue to finish up their degree. I mean seriously. The aim is not to profit from any monetary gains from fines, but to exert strong discipline and correction. The correction is simply not severe enough. I am truly appalled at the thinking and behaviours of people in society today and what we can expect in future. This may be a gross generalisation, but I’ve found people to be generally uncaring, unloving and amoral in their views of what counts as being wrong. There is this void, where the sense of righteousness is blurred and people exist in a state of moral indifference. Sigh* I think I’m just thinking too much. There’s nothing you can do about such actions, I guess. Hmms, or maybe I’m just a rarity in this world of uncaring-ness.
Morality. You have just been carelessly thrown into the trash.
Since I last posted anything. Not that anyone was keep track of it though. Haha.
Hmms. Nothing really exciting now, except that I’ve finished my job awhile ago, started my practical driving lessons and STILL earnestly waiting for my degree enrolment results. Sooo nerve-wrecking. Not much of a social life now. XD My aunt’s been kind of eagerly wanting me to learn sewing and I am kind of keen. Well, more of it will help my cosplay costume-making skills. Lol. And perhaps a deep, buried part of me want to re-kindle the spark of fashion designing again. Hmmms. (more…)
Fictional. But yet cutting so hatefully, lovingly, paradoxically deep.
Why do I torture myself with this drama over and over again? ><
Sigh* I got interested in ‘步步惊心’. And that was the beginning of self-inflicted torture. (more…)
Well, at least all my assignment duedates and stuff are.
Today was soooooo fun~~~
Went out with a couple of my schoolmates to celebrate and relax after a really hectic month rushing assignments and meeting datelines. Now I’m just left with my final exams. 😀 So happy~ (more…)
Hmms. Been really reluctant about cosplaying for quite some time now. 
I guess it’s kinda like inertia? XD From not doing cosplays for quite a while now. Or rather(sadly) I’ve lost interest in it. It doesn’t hold the same appeal? Hmms. I can’t believe I’m typing this at 12.18am. Gah. You should be sleeping by now. >.>I like cosplaying! I really do. The joy of picking a character you admire, and then designing and doing the costume, and the eventual exhilaration at accomplishing all the required tasks. Of course, on the day itself, the wonderful bundle of nervousness, excitement and elation. x3
I totally get why people cosplay. (more…)
xkurohana 